


Teen Angst? Naaaah.

by PandorasWritingDesk



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Awkward relationship thoughts, I gave in, Late night thoughts, M/M, Mentions of trauma and confrontation, Might add more chapters, Moments of gender dysphoria, Nothing explicit, Right now it's just a cute lil pointless fic, SO THE SQUIP-ENING HAPPENED, THE SQUIP SQUAD IS IN THIS, Trans Michael, UUUUGH, currently, i knew I was gonna do this but I couldn't help it, implied nightmares, mental discussion of sex, mentions of prior anxiety/panic attacks, sleep comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 04:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11798838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandorasWritingDesk/pseuds/PandorasWritingDesk
Summary: Jeremy wakes up early and can't sleep, so he lets his mind wonder instead.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is trash and my first fic for the fandom. I couldn't come up with many good aus so I thought why not have a calmer fic that I can maybe make porny? Maybe. I probably won't but it's possible. Cause why not. Anyway, we'll see how this goes.

Jeremy let out a huff as he tried very hard not to focus on the strip of skin showing from where Jeremy’s huge XL triforce shirt rode up on Michael's hip while he slept in Jeremy’s bed, head nuzzled on his lap. They'd been dating for a while but he felt awkward when it came to physical stuff. It wasn't that he didn't think about Michael that way, it was more he thought of it too much. He couldn't help wonder what Michael gripping his head must feel like or if he'd be willing to have sex, how far they would go. He can't help it much, especially when he could probably get a yes to his fantasies if he asked but, what if he went too far or did the wrong thing or pushed Michael into doing something he didn't want. He could never forgive himself if he did that.

He groaned as he rolled away from the dozing boy. He just wanted to bury his feelings and forget before he did something stupid. He looked up at his alarm clock to see it was barely passed 3 with a small groan as he accepted he was stuck in early morning limbo since he woke up from them falling asleep in a tangle of limbs over an hour ago. He flipped back over on his right side to see Michael spooning his discarded cardigan, drool shining his lip. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of him, snaking his arms back around him cautiously to not disturb him. Jeremy hugged his boyfriend, nuzzling his neck. The soft smell of detergent and cinnamon clouded his senses as he placed a light kiss on the darker boy's earlobe. He heard Michael let out a hum in his sleep, smiling as he squeezed his boyfriend softly. He could have this for now at least. This was good and calming. It reminded him that they were really dating, gave their relationship validity in his messy brain.

Jeremy remembered when he'd tense up just feeling Michael's head on his shoulder. He wanted to go to his past self and just yell at him for being such a clueless bag of hammers. Course, he was still overthinking things even now, at the ass hours of the night. He was so lucky that Michael had the patience of an immortal god or his slow ass would've been left to rot in social inept hell eons ago. Michael's been so willing to let Jeremy ease himself into being comfortable with them both being boyfriends, never once attacking him for his over sensitivity or his fears. Maybe a joke about being nervous about making out around their friends but nothing that was meant to hurt. He just got lucky he supposed. Of course they were both flawed and messy but he liked that about them and his friends too. He let that thought sink in as he leaned against Michael's shoulder, hoping sleep would come before he went down a dark mental path or something.

Of course, life was too cruel for that. He ran fingers through hair until Michael began to make a soft distressed groan, clutching at Jeremy's loose nightshirt. The sleeping boy was muttering and his eyelids were fluttering insanely fast, so Jeremy was certain he was still sound as a rock, but he was shaking and squeezing him like he needed to be anchored. The lanky boy quickly wrapped his arms around Michael's shuddering torso, stroking his back as he laid his head against his neck, hearing Michael's racing pulse and short breaths. 

“It's okay, Micah, it's okay. You're still here.” Jeremy was barely whispering in his ears, hoping he'd stop shaking if he felt safe enough. He could almost see them in the bathroom of the school dance their friends had dragged them to, could see him clutching Michael as he wept, so afraid of what people thought when Jeremy used to think no one could ever scare him. He tried to ignore the ache in his heart as he shushed the demons that plagued his lover’s dreams enough to get his pulse steady and his body still. The boy still had an iron grip on him, but that was better than trembling in his sleep.

Jeremy probably wouldn't ask if he had a nightmare. Michael wouldn't want to face whatever was haunting him and he would never force him to. They'd been through enough. The stress of getting into the same college by the end of the month was overbearing enough for the weekend. He would hope the nightmare would just fade away with his stupid mixed feelings and their lack of certainness as a physical couple. Well, that wasn't true. Jeremy and Michael both wanted to be physical they were just scared to initiate it basically. Yeah, they were nervous about it cause they were inexperienced and horny and dumb. 

Like teenagers.

Jeremy would just ask someday or Michael would. Well, Michael confessed after Jeremy broke it off with Christine cause she was ace and he finally realized he had less of a crush over her and more of just an overwhelming joy of her cause by the fact that she was a girl who was both nice and sweet to him while not using him for her advantage. They were a good trio of friends though. And this thought process just diverged him from actually working to get the courage to ask Michael when or if he wanted them to be physical and/or get busy. Without joking about it or being easy to misconstrued. He could do that. Jeremy kissed Michael first, after all, that should mean he has some agency, right? At least at some point.

The lanky teenager just sighed, dragging his fingers through short, dark hair again as he felt a long sigh of breath pass his shoulder as Michael shifted in his arms. He glanced at his alarm clock and saw it's 4:23 in the morning. Great, he can't even have a mental chuckle it's so early. He just lets out a huff, turning to his bedside table and taking his phone and headphones while trying not to move too much. He quickly puts on This is: Andrew Bird on Spotify and watches Michael shift and nuzzle him again with a tired smile. He hopes the sun will rise faster than it ever has so he can watch his eyelids flutter and kiss him as his warm eyes go from dull and confused to bright and brimming with love, the way Michael should always look. He closes his eyes as the triplet drum beat and electric bass and guitar blend with a violin as Heretics plays in his ears, leaning his head on the sleeping boys before finally finding sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael wakes up and gets asked a very percular question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first I caved and Micha's trans.... sue me.  
> Here's Jer's shirt: https://goo.gl/images/qtweMc
> 
> And here's the song I mention: https://youtu.be/pE2hd9y_4cg
> 
> Aaaaaaaand please know I've done what Micha does multiple times with his binder it is not great. Please don't sleep in it. It hurts a bunch and can give you sleep apnea or at the very least hurt you a lot more than when you're awake

Michael cringed as sunlight met his eyelids. He was very much too tired for whatever time it was. He stretched with a groan, aware of the body he let go of to pop his wrists and wake up his stiff joints. He opened his eyes before he ducked his head to block out the long fingers of sunlight trying to burn his retinas. With only a couple of bright spots he focused on the slightly blemished and pale face of his boyfriend, headphone wires and sheets leaving creases in his cheek but face as peaceful as a frozen river. Michael could feel a soft smile bloom from watching Jeremy's chest rise and fall slowly and almost forget about Dream Jeremy yelling that he would never be enough for him. He let out a sigh through his nostrils as he let his fingers drift to the boy’s soft cheek. The less he thought about his stupid dream about a boy who had grown past the fears of the past, the faster he'd forget how cruel they could be.

Michael knew he'd never really forget what they had done to each other, the wounds were too deep, but they could grow past their junior year. It wasn't hard, not with a whole squad of new friends and the one that matter most in his arms. He'd rather think about crashing their lips together than using them for insults. He felt Jeremy shift, letting out a hum as his head rested on the crook of Michael’s elbow. He had a strong urge to sing ‘Asleep On My Arm”, but, unlike Nick Blaemire, singing a solo would probably just wake Jeremy up and he didn't know all the words. 

He cautiously took the chance of grabbing his thick black glasses with small eight bit hearts on the sides so he could make out Jeremy’s face better and watch his chest lift the small fold on the collar of his baggy Best Bi shirt that may or may not have been a joint gift from him and Rich. He smiled as he read the dumb yellow tag, he forgot he went to sleep in that pun. He sat up careful and turned to the blinds to see the sun was trying to face off with him through the blinds. He turned away in defiance- and to read the clock. It was just a little past seven, which was surprisingly early for him given he didn't have to deal with the dumb burning ball of gas in his basement and usually slept till ten during the summer. He just stretched again, hear a soft groan from beneath him. 

He glanced down to see Jeremy’s eyes twitch and his nose wrinkle. He had to hold back a chuckle at how cute his soft features were when he was tired. Soon Jeremy’s hazel eyes started to blink lazily, long lashes hiding iris until they met Michael’s.

“Morning, Jer-bear. Get any beauty rest?”  
The lanky boy just let out a hum, struggling to untangle his arms from the tangle of his headphones and the comforter he wormed them under. Michael let himself laugh and leaned on the headboard as his boyfriend grumbled about stupid temporary headphones from the bus. He placed a quick kiss on the struggling boy’s temples and coaxed a bright smile that out shined the streaming sun from his boyfriend’s tired face. 

“I woke up late but you dragged me back in by cuddling I think. You hungry?”  
Michael nodded, a little worried that Jer might have had a dream like his but dwelling just made things worse. He tried to stretch again but felt a tight compression on his upper chest area. Aw shit.

“Hey, Jer?” The lanky boy let out a hum, still picking at headphone knots. “I think I forgot to throw off my binder.”  
A flash of worry went over Jer’s face. “Does it hurt?”  
Michael shook his head, rubbing his sore shoulder as he felt Jeremy hold his hand softly. “I'm fine I just realized it. You wouldn't mind if I keep it off today? I don't want to risk anything.”  
“Course not. We can stay in too if you want.”  
Michael nodded, letting a sigh of relief come from him with a smile. “Sure. As long as you make a snack run. We need to restock on gummies if I'm gonna stay here until Tuesday.”

Jer nodded and Michael couldn't help but wonder how bright his smile must be when Jer spreads his thighs for him for a split second. He's quick to shake off that dumb train of thought before he gets lost and starts drooling or worse. He grounded himself by leaning on his boyfriend, feeling warm arms squeeze him to his clean detergent smelling shirt. He always felt overwhelmed by the smell of the Heere’s house laundry when he was in Jer’s arms for some reason. Maybe he wanted to have that scent on his clothes too someday. That sense of familiarity you got from using the same products and home every day. That's what he wanted with Jeremy. That's what he always wanted. 

He was broken from his pleasant thoughts as Jer kissed his cheek and asked him a jumble of words he really couldn't try to decipher into a question. Michael let out a hum in search of answers.

Jeremy rolled his eyes and held Michael's cheek in his soft fingers. Soft, that's what Jer was in the morning, with two big clothes and bags under his eyes that would most likely never go away and not even a hint of peach fuzz since they first met. Everything about Jeremy Heere was soft and sweet and downright precious. How the fuck were they supposed to ever be platonic again?

“Micah… Michael! Did you seriously not hear me twice?”  
Michael just blinked letting out a long “uh,” before Jeremy scoffed and sat up from his place along Michael’s thigh.  
“As I so kindly repeated previously. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go grocery shopping. We're running out of food and dad's on that business trip so, I'm gonna have to get more stuff anyway.”  
Michael shrugged, smile superglued to his face. “Yeah sure. I can live out my domestic fantasies.”

Jeremy let out a soft chuckle and stood on wobbly legs. Michael could convince himself that Jeremy wasn't wearing anything but that dumb pun of a shirt if it hadn't been for his boxer legs. He stopped his thoughts before they went the wrong way and watched as Jeremy slipped into the bathroom humming softly. Michael hurried to his feet, struggling out of the tight olive green binder that may or may not have tiny pot leaves drawn in navy fabric marker from last summer and dug for his hoodie, strewn across one of Jeremy’s beanbag chairs where he'd peeled it off last night. Perks of having a really sweet boyfriend, he didn't need to wear his baggy hoodie ddie to avoid looking like a girl cause they were way past that phase. The hoodie wasn't bad for him but he felt like Jeremy was the only one he didn't have to wear it around to feel like he was himself. He liked that Jeremy gave him that security.

He dug out a black shirt that had two sugar skulls forming a heart from the duffel bag he’d brought and slipped it on as he heard Jeremy step out from the bathroom. The skinny boy was currently shirtless and Michael was trying very hard not to drool. 

“You wanna save water? I was about to start a shower but I thought I'd make the offer.”  
Michael had to hold back his excited yes as he thought over the suddenness of this statement. “Uh… I'd adore helping the environment and seeing your hot body,” Michael stuck out a finger, “but why are you bringing this up out of nowhere?”  
Jeremy just shrugs with a smile on his lips, still soft and warm not cold or slimy or Chill. “I had a revelation of sorts. We can wait if you want or just not do the shower thing. I just thought I'd offer.”

Michael just blinked a flood of confusion and want surging. His throats was bone dry but the voices in his head were all saying it was too early and too sudden and just… Jarring. He still felt dizzy and his chest hurt and he didn't want to be naked with Jer no matter how nice it sounded. He wasn't in the right state for that. He wasn't right. He still had stupid fat in his chest and he had barely started T, hell he had just started having voice cracks. No, he was too scared. He couldn't, not yet.

Jer didn't let his smile grow sad as Michael shook his head, softly stepping next to the boy seated next to the beanbag. Michael felt a soft kiss met his forehead as he let out the breath he'd been holding. He felt a warm hand rub the place where his spine met his skull through his undercut, making a soft purr come from the de-stressing motion. 

“Do you want to shower first?”  
Michael just hummed, letting Jeremy kiss his cheek as he calmed down. He hated when he got all dysphoric.  
“Want me to cover up the mirror?”  
Michael shook his head. “Gotta fix my hair.”  
Jeremy let out a chuckle as he helped Michael to his feet. “Scrambled eggs and mostly burnt toast sound good?”  
“If you dump some cheese in them eggs.”  
Jeremy pecked his forehead and went off to bolt downstairs to cook, leaving Michael with an empty feeling in his stomach and a strong sense of confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if imma go back to Jeremy's perspective but tell me if you think I should.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the song mentioned cause I listen to Andrew Bird when I'm tired and or depressed: https://youtu.be/A6hXMH8Z2B0


End file.
